Monday, September 19, 2011

All Wrapped up in Labels: the rebellious post

Yes indeed, it feels like months since I last posted…

I’ve had a lot going on… as usual!!! That’s not all… I also wanted to feel like I had something important to say. Getting married also had a little to do with it…

;)

The whole process of “tying the knot” can be both stimulating and exhausting. You know: lots of formality and planning. Unfortunately, in focusing on the negative, I found myself in a precarious situation…

My inner “rebel” was coming out in very adamant ways… apparently I had something to prove—or at least I needed to prove what I did not want to be.

I was also obsessing about the meaning of the word “tradition.” 
And as soon as I found myself shunning tradition, I became the judgment on the other side of what I had felt was a brilliant argument.

As soon as you drop one label for another, you’re “cashin’ in on the judgment gravy train’ man, and just as ‘bad’ as what you’re shunning.

That’s right, what started out as a decision to wed that was grounded in the things most important to me—symbolism, growth, momentum and progression—was unfurling the evil demon within…one that was annoyed with everything that was NOT these aforementioned things. All the things that seem to be associated with “what marriage is” did not seem to quite fit (so many things I could say about that), and this difference was fueling my fire to rebel!

Mind you… there were no doubts about my relationship. But we have BOTH asked: is this the way we want to do it? How important is getting married in what you might call—a “traditional” way?

It didn’t matter much to either of us.
Ok, anyway, my point: Don’t obsess about the differences! 

The difference between what it ‘should be’ and what it ‘should NOT be’ is a bordered by a deceivingly DEEP puddle. Is anybody up for the swim?

I think I needed to realize that taking a swim should be more about enjoying where you are. YES, that good feeling… no judgment, no lack, not what it could be, but just what IS… that’s if I chose to even accept the puddle, and the two "opposites" that I created in my bordered world.

Don’t accept the puddle.

I had become self-defeated in my own little rebellion: my ‘perceived’ enemy (tradition) was probably really enjoying laughing at me.

There are no boundary lines, and labels are only moderately helpful—some more than others. When you’re a designer, thinking “outside of the box,” is a label that implies you’re different. You’re in a sense judging what’s IN the box, right?

It gets sticky, as all our decisions—no matter how objective—are made from our own unique point of view, and in the end, whether you’re being in the box, out of the box, in the puddle, or swimming upstream—it doesn’t really matter. It’s what you put into it, what’s genuine and intentional, and what’s appropriate for you or a client. Let THAT speak for itself. In the end, I’ll gladly carry a slightly “unapologetic attitude,” making appropriate decisions, and accept that that is the rebellion I’m going live with. But I’m not going to rule out—or make judgments so strongly in the future, because ALL options are potential options, and everything is optional: decided upon by all of us.

We ALL probably want to make important distinctions about how we are different—that’s very valid, in design and in life. But let’ not go overboard and forget that they’re all just expressions… If you feel that they are genuine expressions that are worthy of sharing, then you’re ‘spot on’ man!

In the case of a wedding ceremony and events, I know we went right to this point. We made it our own, in what felt very genuine. It included our beliefs, and focused on the fact that we just wanted to celebrate with everyone dear to us… and not get too bogged down in—dare I say—tradition.

Tradition is not the point—genuine intention IS. But leave the labels behind. Somewhere in there, there’s a balance, just don’t go for the deep swim, ay?

m